In Search of Solitude

 "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

-- Henry David Thoreau

Highly sensitive people, especially highly sensitive introverts, require periods of solitude to function properly. The amount (time) of solitude required differs by individual and by circumstances. It may be for an hour or it may be for a few days.

Most people around us don't understand that we need periods of solitude as much as we need food for nourishment and air to breathe. This need for solitude is not a lifestyle choice ... it's a fundamental part of our being. It's not a disorder requiring treatment or medication. It's simply a trait of our unique personality.

HSP's have an increased sensitivity of the central nervous system and a deeper cognitive processing of physical, social and emotional stimuli. As a result, our whole being needs solitude to analyze, sort out and fully process events that overstimulated us including conversations, conflicts, stress, actions of others or being subjected to an environment of chaos.

Since most highly sensitive people are also empaths, we also take on the hurts, pains, disappointments, excitement and joy of those around us. In a limited capacity, we are taking the weight of the world on our shoulders ... the good and the bad.

That's a lot to sort out and process. So, when we HSP's and highly sensitive introverts go into solitude, it is not because we don't like people ... we just need time to ourselves to recharge our core self, our thinking, and our energy to assure our mental and social health.

The core truth is that we don't do well in large groups or chaotic events. There is just too many stimuli (noise, light, people and expectations, etc.) around us that act as a funnel to a point of total internal chaos.

On the flip side, we do very well in a small group (3-6 people) of friends or family in which in-depth conversations and exchange of ideas are pursued. It's the "small talk" we fail at.

So, when one of us tells you that we some time alone, please understand that we are not pushing you aside or checking out of society. We just need some downtime to analyze, sort out and fully process events that overstimulated us. We'll be back soon.

Introvert Fun

 

The types of activities that are fun for introverts differ from those of extroverts. Fun for introverts is not the type of fun that includes high-fiving and jubilant happiness. It's rarely loud, in fact, an introvert may not even have a smile on their face. More than likely, their facial expression and demeanor will probably be showing signs of deep concentration or peacefulness.

In western societies, the concept of fun has been defined and claimed by extroverts. 

• Fun is participating in risky behavior like skydiving or racing.
• Fun is breaking the rules.
• Fun is a week filled with socializing and parties. 

Extroverts need the adrenaline rush of living life at full throttle. Give your all, all the time. The need for external stimulation is just a part of their DNA.

For most introverts, fun is quiet, focused and often experienced in solitude. It's frequently determined by our surrounding environment like a park or in our backyard under a shade tree where we can concentrate and focus on our internal thoughts, plans and relationships. Other activities that are fun for introverts are:

• Walking with a friend or spouse
• Reading
• Driving for several hours on a highway that isn't crowded
• Gardening
• Working on a puzzle
• Going to a coffee shop with a friend to catch up and have a few laughs
• Fishing
• Going to a matinée at a movie theater
• People watching at a park
• Knitting
• Sewing
• Writing
• Woodworking
• Binge-watching your favorite TV show
• Going to a gallery or museum 

Many introverts enjoy getting up early or going to bed late so they can enjoy the peaceful serenity in their home. Introverts don't need company to keep them entertained or mentally energized.

It's time for introverts to claim our type of fun ... the type of fun that brings us happiness, pleasure, fulfillment and a calm sense of purpose.

Let's not let others tell us we don't know how to have fun!

Choosing Inner Peace

 

I have a real interest in politics. Unfortunately, this interest has, over several decades, added much stress and anxiety to my life. 

Though I am an American expat living in Ecuador, American politics (especially presidential elections) still affect my life because I remain an American citizen.

The presidential election in the United States this year is more contentious than I've witnessed in my 64 years. The country hasn't been this divided since the Civil War. In families all across the country, family members are at odds with each other. Brother against brother is all too common. A son's children are barred from seeing or talking with their grandparents.

As a Highly Sensitive Introvert, this hate and division, especially among families, hurts me to the core of my being. Family relationships are being destroyed. Lives are being discarded like used toilet paper.

To keep inner peace, I refuse to engage in political discussions and debates. There is nothing for me to gain by participating in a heated argument when my opponents have no intention of listening to reason, logic or common sense ... regardless of the overwhelming facts that surround us daily.

My mental and emotional health is of far greater importance than scoring a few points against my adversaries.

I learned from the 2016 presidential election what happened to me when I got involved in political discussions. While many started calmly, they always ended up in shouting matches in which all participants parted company in personal and collective turmoil. Following those blowouts, my default reaction was to go into seclusion for a few days to 'heal' and to sort things out.

I finally realized that I was the cause of the over-stimulation to my sensory system that brought the stress and anxiety to my life. 

Regardless of how strong my beliefs are, I refuse to fall back into the behavior that brought nothing but resentment, stress and anxiety to my life.

This year, I have chosen peace. Peace with those around me. Peace within myself. I've chosen inner peace instead of constant inner conflict.

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"The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps 
is because man is disunited with himself." 

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson